Assassin

"Guard your heart"

Aye, it does see simple enough. But we all know what seems easy is harder than it seems. Seems. 

You go through life trying to figure out how it is you are supposed to guard you heart. For me, the learning of this came at a great cost. Broken heart after broken heart. Beaten and bruised I always came back. Its just the kind of person that I am. Some would say that once is enough, but not for me I guess. It took four years of bad mistakes and being let down more times than I can count, for me to get it. 

Now, when someone says "guard your heart", I know exactly what they mean and what to do. I am not not letting myself care about people in my life. Its the level that I care about them that I am careful about. Personally I think I'm doing a good job so far. So far. That is such a fleeting statement. So far. ha. I would scoff at it normally, but not this time. The true test of how good I am at guarding my heart will come one day. I have a feeling that day may be coming sooner than I would have thought. Don't ask what I mean by that. Don't question. Just, don't.

John Mayer has a great line in one of his songs that pertains greatly to my life right now. "Half of my heart's got a grip on the situation, half of my heart takes time"

Things are so wishy washy right now that one moment I think things are going great in one direction. . . next thing I know the rug has been pulled out from under me and things are going the opposite direction. I am becoming a patient person. Usually when things get this far I ask straight out and up front questions. Usually being the operative word. Right now I just don't know what to do. Do I keep things going the way they are or do I slam on the breaks like I desperately want to and ask? That is the crossroads I am faced with right now. 

I know what I want to do. . . . . but I'm scared of the answer. . . . .