Its one of those moments where you wake up and realize you have to make all these decisions about life and your future. Suddenly you have responsibility and you are on the cusp of your future, where the decisions you make will affect how everything for the next few years turns out. Suddenly, you want things for yourself but you are unsure if you can make those dreams a reality. You want love and commitment and a good career. You want them and you want them now. They are all within your grasp but you are terrified to lay it all on the line. Terrified of getting your heart broken for the thousandth time. Terrified of giving it your all and falling short in your career. But what happens if you don't go for it, put it all on the line and give it your best shot? You never really live. Life is pain and love and failure and success. Right now, its about bucking up the courage to say what I need to and do what I need to. No longer being afraid of failure. I have nothing to lose by taking a chance.
You lock it all away, shut it down. Hide from the pain of it all. Become indifferent to everything.
You feel like you have to choose between love and the career of your dreams. For the longest time I have felt this. Part of me still does. I think I really could be ok with not having love as long as I got to do the things that I love. Granted it hurts when I see happy couples walk by hand in hand and crazy for each other. But given enough time, that would all fade. But as I continue to grow I realize that I can have both. The essential piece of the puzzle that I have finally found, is that I cant force it and that the timing has to be right.
:)
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