Out the window

A golden rain drop in a sea of crystal
Hangs on the naked branch of adversity.
Clinging with all its might praying its existence matters.

An old woman looking at a woman of 20
Seeing in her face the woman she used to be. Hopes and dreams, a love lost. The woman begins to cry, regret flowing down her face, following in canyons of wisdom.

off. out. away

unplug
retreat
lock the door
turn off the tv
shut down the phone
get away
run away
hide away
shut it out
lock it out
shut it out
drown it out
blow it out
let it out

waiting

so much stress
a laugh quickly turns to tears.
a glass of whiskey
sweet with a bite as it goes down.
a desperate attempt
to fight back the tears and numb the stress.
a mind that races
an aching back and a chest tight as a drum.

Cloud 9

So this is what it's like.
A feeling so inexplicable it is almost futile to try, but try I will.

A thousand butterflies in your stomach.
A warmth through your body.
A goofy smile on your face.
So happy you cant hide it.
It oozes out of you and leaks out onto others.
Your own happiness spreads to others.
It fills you up and you swear you could do anything.
You feel like Superman.
Your feet never touch the ground.
You smile until your face hurts.
Content. Safe. Valued. Precious.

Its hearts drawn in your notes.
Daydreams that consume you.
Dreams that have somehow become reality.
Walking, talking, smiling, laughing dreams that hold you and kiss you.
Carefree and happy.
Your heart speeds up just thinking about them.
The world melts away when you are together.
They are as familiar as the back of your hand.
The smile that is just for you.
Its the reason.

Something Missing at the Crossroads

I feel like I'm standing at a crossroads
to go left or to go right.
I can have one without the other
but I would be eternally unhappy.
Will I be able to walk the path between?
Is there a path between?

I feel myself drifting toward
what my mind knows is smart and right.
My heart grows sad
it feels like the path it desires is slipping slowly away.

One day, these two paths will become one.
I do not see that day coming soon.
I must learn to enjoy my own company
more than I already do.
Too long have I depended on others for my happiness.
I am happy on my own now,
but I can't seem to shake the feeling
that something is missing.

Do or Do Not, There is No Try

I've often prayed for love.
Since I was 18 the thought of falling in love was something I wanted with all my being.
I grew older and began to want a successful career.
So I prayed for help and the ability to succeed in the opportunities that presented themselves.
I prayed and gave up my love life to God. I put it in his hands. I trusted and leaped off the cliff.
Its not something I worry about anymore, there is still a light desire but its like a roaring fire that has been reduced down to a single hot coal.
Sometimes I wake up and look at myself in the morning and I don't recognize myself.
I know who I used to be, but who am I becoming? Who am I now?
I am in such a state of change right now that sometimes its hard to even get out of bed and face the world in the morning.
But I know that I must because something is going to happen that will help me become who I am in the process of becoming.
Its frustrating but I believe He is preparing me for something. Something big.
I don't know what it is and the path before me scares me.
But I walk on with my head held high and my shoulders squared.
Determined to face it all.
I resist the urge to fall apart and crumble.
I feel like everything is slipping out of my fingers and I don't know what else to do.
Almost in desperation I pray for anything and everything I can think of.
Maybe this is what He wants. Maybe He wants me to be desperate for him.
If that is the case, its working.

Desires of the Heart

Never have I asked God to make me a woman worthy of someone.
Today, I did. With no hesitation.
Once I asked, I was taken aback.
Why am I asking this? I wondered.
I was baffled at myself and the desires of my heart. This was something I never saw coming.
I have plenty of mental and physical desires, but never has my heart desired something like this.
What so I make of this?
God is working in my life. Shaping me and helping me grow in a way I have never known.
I am terrified because I am in uncharted waters and I have no compass. The only thing I can do is trust in the Lord.

Advice

Tell her you miss her.
Tell him you like him.
Tell each other you make each other happy.
Bring her flowers after work on Friday.
Bake him cookies on a Wednesday.
Go for a drive.
Park somewhere outside of town.
Lay in the truck bed and talk.
Wake up to a sunrise.
Fall asleep with her head on your chest.
Hold her hand when you are with her.
Listen when he talks.
Help each other.
Kiss her sweetly.
Let him open the door for you.
Tell her she looks beautiful.
Save every good, special smile just for him.
Let him help you fall in love with baseball, again.
Tell her every time you think about her.
Let sweet memories bring a smile to your face during the day.
Spend time talking and getting to know each other.
Hold each other close.

The Game

I used to play games
in high school
some in college
But then
I realized
they were a waste of time
I stopped playing games
It didnt get me any further
nor did it set me back
But I leared about myself
who I am, what makes me tick
what I want, and what I would do to get it.
What makes me happy
what brings me joy
what brings me peace.
Then I was told to play the game
encouraged
by many
you must be hard to get
they all say.

Through all the years
I have learned
My expectations are high.
While that indeed is good,
it limits the quality of person you are willing to be with.
While that is also good,
it tends to lend itself to a very lonely life at times
or one filled with let down hopes and expectations
broken promises and broken hearts.

Why do we play this "game"?
What is gained by doing so?
Are we all so afraid of being hurt or let down
that we must play games to feel in control?

When it comes to your feelings for another,
there is no control. they just are what they are.
Do not filter them, do not hide them.
Let them out,
You may find the other person is the same way
but was afraid you would run the other way
if they said even a word.

Ghosts

As I drove to Houston I had time to think
   back upon things that have happened
in the past few days, weeks, even months.
To think about things I had not thought about
     since the spring. things I had let go of
crept back into my life
   unwanted. unwarranted.
the need to fall apart tore at me but I shoved it down deep.
  I did not have time for it but
also, I did not need for it to happen.
I was strong enough to get over it,
   I am strong enough to get through it now.
But there was one need I could not ignore
      the need for a simple, strong, reassuring hug.
that one simple act, I knew would make things easier to handle.
  I will not put a name to the ghost that has again come to haunt me.
instead, I will move past it and into the arms of someone who cares for me now.

See Further

Let something good sit for too long
Someone will come in and snatch it.
It may want to stay and wait
But if the waiting takes too long
It may not be there when you get around to it.

I have learned this lesson in life
And most importantly, in love.
I thought the good thing I had
Would be there when I made up my mind.
It wasnt.
From then on, I vowed to be real
To be upfront about what I wanted, how I felt.

But here I am again,
Stuck in what feels like limbo.
Somewhere between knowing and not knowing.
Hoping, wishing, waiting
For an answer to come soon.
Feeling stuck on a shelf,
Tucked away from the world, hidden,
Forgotten.
Spoken of in hushed tones.
But I will not wait too long
Not when the sun peaks over the horizon.

1967 Shelby GT-500

Look how she gleams in the light
Silver, jet black, and chrome
A beacon in the night
An angel come down to carry us into the night
Her curves draw you in
They beg you to touch her
You lovingly run your hands from the trunk to the tip of the hood.
Parallel to her racing stripes
She is warm to the touch and smooth as silk
Slowly open the door
The smell of leather and motor oil
You sit inside
The leather of the seat sighs and lovingly molds to you
You caress the steering wheel
Gently run your fingertips across the gearshift
Pull the keys from your pocket
They clink softly as you slide them in the ignition
Take a deep breath and push in the clutch
Exhale
Turn the key.
She comes to life with a roar
Purring, her chassis trembling under your touch
The rumble from her engine is filled with peaks and valleys
A musical language all her own
Begging to be opened up and turned loose
Slide into first gear
Feel the power under your hands
Straining to be free
Shift to second
The wind whips at your face
Shift to third
Feel the jump in power slam you back in your seat
Shift to fourth
She roars and sends you over the edge.
Elanor.

September

I want long, sweet kisses

I want to hold hands while we walk down by the river

I want romance

I want to meet your friends

I want Sunday brunch

I want picnic's in the park

I want something real and steady

I want you to meet my friends

I want Saturday lunch

I want to cook romantic dinner's for two

I want to play marathon games of Scrabble

I want to know who you are, who you want to become

Your dreams, hopes, wishes, and fears.

I want to make you smile, make your heart light as a feather

I want to help you when you are struggling

I want to build you up when you feel like falling down

I want to talk with you for hours, discovering who we are

I just want

You to be happy

Pause

These city lights
Aye they warm my heart
Look into the heavens and lose thyself
Find thy heart and soul among the stars

Look at the face of the moon
Think upon the face of thy love
Lay upon the ground
Let thy mind wander

The wind is a caress upon thy face
Soft like a lovers caress
Stand in the rain
Let it wash away thy fears

Sit upon thy floor and cry
Be weak, let another be strong for you
Sing out thy joys to the world, unto the heavens above
Dance in the street when there is naught but the crickets for an orchestra

Austin

What a blessing this life we lead
We wake up in a beautiful city
To sunrises that were placed there just for us.
We go to work at jobs we love and realize
That we are blessed to have the opportunities they grant us daily.
We have hands to hold, lips to kiss, and
Strong arms to hold us when life gets hard.

We have that handsome guy
Who shows up at our door when you've had a rough day
Because you need a hug and someone to tell you that you're doing a good job.

We have families and friends
That stand behind us and pray for our continued success.
They are there day in and day out, with us every step of the way.
They lift us up when we fall and brush us off
Telling us they love us and they believe in us.

We come home to sunsets and stars
Put there just for us, to take our breath away.

What Makes Love True

By Tiffany's

No. 1

Know someone's 

FAVORITES.

Favorite flowers.

Favorite authors.

Favorite designers.

How she takes her coffee.

Shaken, not stirred.

Get the drift?

No. 2

Everyone has secrets.

Some are sad.

Some are hilarious.

Some are scandalous. 

Most are just mundane.

When you love someone

who loves you, 

SECRETS

Are not a problem.

No. 3

MY FRIENDS,

Your Friends.

Respect for each other

means respect for

each other's friends.

If this is a problem, it's a real

problem. Attend to it.

No. 4

JEALOUSY HURTS.

On the surface jealousy

is simply a lack of trust.

And that is not a good sign. 

But if it is justified, 

this train is going nowhere.

No. 5

Small square boxes are dangerous. 

Every woman knows

there are only two kinds of rings.

THE RING.

And, all other rings.

An unwed man presenting 

the latter had better prepare

a clever preamble or

look for cover.

No. 6

Music is MAGIC.

Especially romantic music.

Especially live music.

Especially an original song

written just for someone.

No. 7

Timing is everything.

When moods turn south,

BLOSSOMS do wonders.

When nights get cold,

firesides are cozy.

When work grinds down,

champagne bubbles up.

No. 8

Light the candles. 

Use the good china. And crystal.

When you are together,

put style in your life. 

This is part of

LIVING WELL,

together. 

This is romance.

No. 9

Ask The Father Of The Bride.

Once upon a time, 

THE RITUAL

of asking a father's permission

for the hand of his daughter

was an essential tradition

fraught with danger.

It still is today.

The modern young man

who ignores this

wonderful piece of etiquette

displays an alarming

lack of civility.

No. 10

Be true to yourself.

In the heady rush of true love, 

it's easy to compromise

your real opinions in the name of

romantic tranquility.

This is a mistake.

BE YOURSELF.

In the end it's better.

"Thanks ever so, darling, but

I don't much care for calf brains."

No. 11

Open new doors together.

Don't sit back. Step out.

The ADVENTURES

you share build bonds

that last forever. 

New adventures entail

some risk, and

risk can be quite intoxicating.

No. 12

Talk about money.

About saving.

Debt. Past behavior.

EXPECTATIONS, 

confrontations and tribulations.

Put it all on the table now

so it won't be a nuisance later.

No. 13

POLITICS

Is Not A 

Deal Breaker.

Unless you

make it one.

No. 14

Families Are Different.

Suddenly families start to

matter the closer you get

to an engagement and 

wedding. Fortunately, 

families don't get married.

Only two people IN LOVE

can marry. In dealing with

another's family a little

accommodation, humor and

affection goes a long way.

No. 15

Say

AU REVOIR

to Old Flames.

Period.

No. 16

PLAY TOGETHER

And Apart.

Sports played together

can be great fun.

But don't ask him to abandon

his golf with the guys.

Don't ask her to desert

her tennis pals.

No. 17

TASTES

Are Supposed To Differ.

That's part

of the electricity.

That's part

of an exciting life.

You say tomato, 

I say to-mah-to.

No. 18

Pay Attention To

CLOTHES.

Not your clothes, silly.

Someone in love dresses very

carefully. And it's a 

very good idea to take notice.

The choices made

were made to please you.

No. 19

Surprises Are Essential.

An unscheduled 

night of dancing.

Suddenly, tickets to Paris.

A HIDDEN GIFT.

Surprises lift romance to

stratospheric heights.

No. 20

How to handle

GOOD NEWS.

The quickest way

to lose good friends

is to let someone else tell them

that you are engaged.

Tip: make a list and

call them all

within the same hour.

And don't forget relatives.

No. 21
Birthdays are trouble.
Not the present.
THE DATE.
If you don't know
her birthday
you don't know her.
And now you're in big
trouble, buster.

No. 22
Let's NOT COMPARE.
No matter how innocent
your remarks may be,
its always troubling
to mention former lovers.
"John and I used to go to the
Met every Saturday morning."
Not good form.

No. 23
A PDA Suggestion.
At parties and events,
some couples in love
may be found desperately
clinging to each other as
though their ship
has just been torpedoed.
They need to know that this
behavior is off-putting.
Who on earth wishes to talk
to a couple who is saying
GOODBYE
to the world?

No. 24
Don't Answer The Phone.
During DINNER.
Nobody has permission
to interrupt conversations
and destroy the ambiance
of this end-of-day ritual.

No. 25
Buttons Not To Push.
As the saying goes, 
when you really 
KNOW SOMEONE 
well, you know the buttons
to push to really make them
irritated and upset. 
How wise you would be
not to push the buttons
of someone you love and
who loves you.

No. 26
Out Of Sight, 
But Not Out Of Mind.
When alone and
out of town on business,
how wonderful is it 
to find flowers waiting for you
in your hotel room?
UNFORGETTABLE, 
actually.

No. 27

Bring Back The Love Letter.
Make no mistake about it:

there is nothing quite
so tender and romantic

as receiving a
LOVE LETTER.

Yes, handwritten
on nice stationery

and delivered just to you.

No. 28

A TRIBAL TABOO.
You are, of course,
perfectly entitled to say what
you wish about your family.
But, it needs to be restated
here that the love of
your life is not entitled
to express his or her opinion
quite so frankly.
As the proverb states
so succinctly, “blood is thicker
than water.” In the vernacular,
please don’t go there.

No. 29

Ah, THE RING.
A diamond engagement ring
is the traditional symbol of true love
and lifetime commitment.

It matters not a smidgen
how large the diamond is.

What does matter, however,
are the aesthetic qualities

that always make your ring
a joy to behold.

Remember, over a lifetime

a woman looks at her ring
a million times.

No. 30

See THE FOREST 
For The Trees.
Try not to dwell on
miniscule details and silly
differences of opinion.
He can like Deco and you can
like Nouveau and still
be madly in love.
In the grand picture it
matters not.

No. 31

Keep Your MYSTERY.
It’s really not necessary

to keep all the cosmetic bottles
out on the sink in full view.

As a magician might say,

no peeking behind the curtain.

No. 32

The Victorians Did It.
They read aloud to
each other.
Often for a lifetime.
Novels, stories, articles.
This is a wonderful
way to SHARE
SOMETHING
you enjoy. And by the way,
it can be very romantic.

No. 33

Compromise Is An Art.
Managed gracefully
without resentment,
it is the magic behind
TRUE LOVE.

No. 34

WALK TOGETHER.
For centuries walking was
at the center of courtship.

It still is, but without vigilant
chaperones close behind.

On a walk silence is permitted.

On a walk difficult subjects
can be broached. On a walk,
hand-in-hand,
two hearts can be one.

No. 35

COOK TOGETHER.
And clean up
together.

No. 36

Every Now And Then.
Dress to the nines.
SEND A NOTE
of mad love.
Do a headstand.
Go off the grid. Why not?

No. 37

KEEP LISTENING.
We all have a tendency
to listen more carefully to
people we’ve just met.
This is unfortunate.
Keep listening and you’ll avoid
countless misunderstandings.
In the process,
you will learn something.
And, deepen your love.

No. 38

The Unexamined Life
Is Not Worth Living.
That’s what Socrates thought
a few thousand years ago.

And he makes a big point today
for couples in love.

Only when you
KNOW YOURSELF
can you truly love another.

No. 39

You’ll Never Forget.
Never will you forget
THE MOMENT
of proposal.

Exactly where you were.

What you were wearing.
How you felt.

This is arguably the most profound
moment in one’s life.

And it deserves dignity,
maturity and seriousness of
purpose. And when it is done,
then together,
jump over the moon.

Pink

Pink.
That good girl
girly girl
girl

That baby girl, pastel pink.
Light pink, the official color of every preppy valley girl.

Girls who wear it care more about their hair
and
"Oh no! I broke a nail!"
How can anyone take you seriously when you wear it.
You look like a wanna be barbie
Did you leave your mind at home with your Burkin?

Pink.
That strong woman
wonder woman
woman.

That dangerous girl, boss pink.
Hot pink, magenta.
The official color of strong, powerful women everywhere.

Women who fight cancer.
Women who run for president and fight the wage gap.
Women who are women but
never
never back down from a fight.
Women who do everything a man can,
in heels,
and do it better.

What Peace Is

Heartbreak warfare
Filled with reevers and loss.
Pain, death, and tears
Follow in the Alliance's wake.
Blank hope and
Lackluster serenity
Filled with numb space.
There is no such thing as Peace.

Love Letters of Great Men - Beethoven

Good morning, on July 7

Though still in bed, my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, now and then joyfully, then sadly, waiting t to learn whether or not fate will hear us - I can live only wholly with you or not at all - Yes, I am resolved to wander so long away from you until I can fly to your arms and say that I am really at home with you, and can send my soul enwrapped in you into the land of spirits - Yes, unhappily it must be so - You will be the more contained since you know my fidelity to you. No one else can ever possess my heart - never - never - Oh God, why must one be parted from one whom one so loves. And yet my life in love is now a wretched life - Your love  makes me at once the happiest and the unhappiest of men - At my age I need a steady, quiet life - can that be so in our connection? my angle, I have just been told that the mailcoach goes every day - therefore I must close at once so that you may recieve the letter at once - be calm, only by a calm consideration of our existence can we achieve our purpose to live together - Be calm - love me - today - yesterday - what tearful longings for you - you - you - my life - my all - farewell. Oh continue to love me - never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.

ever thine

ever mine

ever ours

Beautiful Dream

Everything is being held back
by a paper thin veil.
All of these letters to you
I stuff them in the mail.
Tryin not to drown.
Its the undertow tugging at my heels.
I go through the day
simply going through the motions.
I am sapped of emotion.
I cried for a bit.
It was only for a moment.
Then I buried it down deep
and had to move on with my day.
I sit here in a stupor
numb to all around me.
Missing you weighs heavy on my heart.

In a moment of beautiful clarity
I have a vision of you and me.
In my kitchen, cooking dinner.
You come behind me and wrap
your arms around my waist.
You whisper in my ear
that you love me.
I turn in your arms and kiss you.
Letting my body meld to yours.
Letting my kiss tell you
how much I do love you.
My knees begin to tremble
at the exchange of our souls.
You crush me to your body
telling me your will never let me go.

International Thank You

So look and see
what I can really be.
People from far
and people from wide.
Malaysia, Germany
Japan and Russia.
Guatemala, The UK
U.S. of A.
Who would have thought,
least of all me,
that I would be here
with an audience like thee.
Thank you all
Tell all your friends.
Pay the Pied Piper
and answer the trolls riddle
keep on playing the devils fiddle.

Little Girl

I am 22 years old.
I still sleep with my childhood teddy bear.
I still call my dad, Daddy.
I love Disney movies.
When it rains, I go outside to dance and play.
I jump in puddles.
I run and play in sprinklers.
I wish upon stars.
I believe in fairies.
I still like for my Daddy to pick me up in his arms.
I still crawl in bed with my parents sometimes.
I like crawling in my Daddy's lap when he is siting in his big chair.
I love to color.
I love putting bows in my hair.
Under my tough bad-ass, I am woman exterior
I am still a little girl.

Espanol

Te extrano mi amor.
Todo mis dias
Se vive en mis suenos
Quiero solamente tu.
Necesitio nada mas.
En este mundo
Bueno o malo
Nada nos podra separar.
No, no sol, la luna
No hay nada.
Sus ojos, sus labios,
sus brazos, sus manos.
Te extrano.
Recuerdo nuestro primero beso
cuando la vive se pone dificil.