Do or Do Not, There is No Try

I've often prayed for love.
Since I was 18 the thought of falling in love was something I wanted with all my being.
I grew older and began to want a successful career.
So I prayed for help and the ability to succeed in the opportunities that presented themselves.
I prayed and gave up my love life to God. I put it in his hands. I trusted and leaped off the cliff.
Its not something I worry about anymore, there is still a light desire but its like a roaring fire that has been reduced down to a single hot coal.
Sometimes I wake up and look at myself in the morning and I don't recognize myself.
I know who I used to be, but who am I becoming? Who am I now?
I am in such a state of change right now that sometimes its hard to even get out of bed and face the world in the morning.
But I know that I must because something is going to happen that will help me become who I am in the process of becoming.
Its frustrating but I believe He is preparing me for something. Something big.
I don't know what it is and the path before me scares me.
But I walk on with my head held high and my shoulders squared.
Determined to face it all.
I resist the urge to fall apart and crumble.
I feel like everything is slipping out of my fingers and I don't know what else to do.
Almost in desperation I pray for anything and everything I can think of.
Maybe this is what He wants. Maybe He wants me to be desperate for him.
If that is the case, its working.