Desires of the Heart

Never have I asked God to make me a woman worthy of someone.
Today, I did. With no hesitation.
Once I asked, I was taken aback.
Why am I asking this? I wondered.
I was baffled at myself and the desires of my heart. This was something I never saw coming.
I have plenty of mental and physical desires, but never has my heart desired something like this.
What so I make of this?
God is working in my life. Shaping me and helping me grow in a way I have never known.
I am terrified because I am in uncharted waters and I have no compass. The only thing I can do is trust in the Lord.

Advice

Tell her you miss her.
Tell him you like him.
Tell each other you make each other happy.
Bring her flowers after work on Friday.
Bake him cookies on a Wednesday.
Go for a drive.
Park somewhere outside of town.
Lay in the truck bed and talk.
Wake up to a sunrise.
Fall asleep with her head on your chest.
Hold her hand when you are with her.
Listen when he talks.
Help each other.
Kiss her sweetly.
Let him open the door for you.
Tell her she looks beautiful.
Save every good, special smile just for him.
Let him help you fall in love with baseball, again.
Tell her every time you think about her.
Let sweet memories bring a smile to your face during the day.
Spend time talking and getting to know each other.
Hold each other close.

The Game

I used to play games
in high school
some in college
But then
I realized
they were a waste of time
I stopped playing games
It didnt get me any further
nor did it set me back
But I leared about myself
who I am, what makes me tick
what I want, and what I would do to get it.
What makes me happy
what brings me joy
what brings me peace.
Then I was told to play the game
encouraged
by many
you must be hard to get
they all say.

Through all the years
I have learned
My expectations are high.
While that indeed is good,
it limits the quality of person you are willing to be with.
While that is also good,
it tends to lend itself to a very lonely life at times
or one filled with let down hopes and expectations
broken promises and broken hearts.

Why do we play this "game"?
What is gained by doing so?
Are we all so afraid of being hurt or let down
that we must play games to feel in control?

When it comes to your feelings for another,
there is no control. they just are what they are.
Do not filter them, do not hide them.
Let them out,
You may find the other person is the same way
but was afraid you would run the other way
if they said even a word.

Ghosts

As I drove to Houston I had time to think
   back upon things that have happened
in the past few days, weeks, even months.
To think about things I had not thought about
     since the spring. things I had let go of
crept back into my life
   unwanted. unwarranted.
the need to fall apart tore at me but I shoved it down deep.
  I did not have time for it but
also, I did not need for it to happen.
I was strong enough to get over it,
   I am strong enough to get through it now.
But there was one need I could not ignore
      the need for a simple, strong, reassuring hug.
that one simple act, I knew would make things easier to handle.
  I will not put a name to the ghost that has again come to haunt me.
instead, I will move past it and into the arms of someone who cares for me now.

See Further

Let something good sit for too long
Someone will come in and snatch it.
It may want to stay and wait
But if the waiting takes too long
It may not be there when you get around to it.

I have learned this lesson in life
And most importantly, in love.
I thought the good thing I had
Would be there when I made up my mind.
It wasnt.
From then on, I vowed to be real
To be upfront about what I wanted, how I felt.

But here I am again,
Stuck in what feels like limbo.
Somewhere between knowing and not knowing.
Hoping, wishing, waiting
For an answer to come soon.
Feeling stuck on a shelf,
Tucked away from the world, hidden,
Forgotten.
Spoken of in hushed tones.
But I will not wait too long
Not when the sun peaks over the horizon.

1967 Shelby GT-500

Look how she gleams in the light
Silver, jet black, and chrome
A beacon in the night
An angel come down to carry us into the night
Her curves draw you in
They beg you to touch her
You lovingly run your hands from the trunk to the tip of the hood.
Parallel to her racing stripes
She is warm to the touch and smooth as silk
Slowly open the door
The smell of leather and motor oil
You sit inside
The leather of the seat sighs and lovingly molds to you
You caress the steering wheel
Gently run your fingertips across the gearshift
Pull the keys from your pocket
They clink softly as you slide them in the ignition
Take a deep breath and push in the clutch
Exhale
Turn the key.
She comes to life with a roar
Purring, her chassis trembling under your touch
The rumble from her engine is filled with peaks and valleys
A musical language all her own
Begging to be opened up and turned loose
Slide into first gear
Feel the power under your hands
Straining to be free
Shift to second
The wind whips at your face
Shift to third
Feel the jump in power slam you back in your seat
Shift to fourth
She roars and sends you over the edge.
Elanor.

September

I want long, sweet kisses

I want to hold hands while we walk down by the river

I want romance

I want to meet your friends

I want Sunday brunch

I want picnic's in the park

I want something real and steady

I want you to meet my friends

I want Saturday lunch

I want to cook romantic dinner's for two

I want to play marathon games of Scrabble

I want to know who you are, who you want to become

Your dreams, hopes, wishes, and fears.

I want to make you smile, make your heart light as a feather

I want to help you when you are struggling

I want to build you up when you feel like falling down

I want to talk with you for hours, discovering who we are

I just want

You to be happy

Pause

These city lights
Aye they warm my heart
Look into the heavens and lose thyself
Find thy heart and soul among the stars

Look at the face of the moon
Think upon the face of thy love
Lay upon the ground
Let thy mind wander

The wind is a caress upon thy face
Soft like a lovers caress
Stand in the rain
Let it wash away thy fears

Sit upon thy floor and cry
Be weak, let another be strong for you
Sing out thy joys to the world, unto the heavens above
Dance in the street when there is naught but the crickets for an orchestra

Austin

What a blessing this life we lead
We wake up in a beautiful city
To sunrises that were placed there just for us.
We go to work at jobs we love and realize
That we are blessed to have the opportunities they grant us daily.
We have hands to hold, lips to kiss, and
Strong arms to hold us when life gets hard.

We have that handsome guy
Who shows up at our door when you've had a rough day
Because you need a hug and someone to tell you that you're doing a good job.

We have families and friends
That stand behind us and pray for our continued success.
They are there day in and day out, with us every step of the way.
They lift us up when we fall and brush us off
Telling us they love us and they believe in us.

We come home to sunsets and stars
Put there just for us, to take our breath away.