Lazy Thursday

Sitting in the middle of a picnic table under the umbrella as the rain comes down. 

The soft pitter patter as it hits the pavement.

The low din of voices on the back patio. The smell of delicious food wafting through the air. 

Happy and contented with this moment.

It is a perfect moment. 

There were many of those today. 

The day started off with a perfect moment.

Strong arms wrapped around me. The contented breathing in the dark. Warm skin head to toe. 

When you outgrow friendships

This isn't my normal poetic writing, this is more of a stream of consciousness. A realization of needed change. 

After this last heartbreak, but it wasn't actually heartbreak it was more a gross crushing disappointment, I told myself no more dating. 

Strange thing, I actually meant it. No more dating, I'm actually ready to settle down. I have never meant anything more in my life. 

If this is all that dating has to offer, I'm so out. Through this, I've also begun to reevaluate my friendships with others. To look at them and see if they bring any real value to my life. If they are healthy and have the ability to grow with me, or if they will try and bring me down. 

I have lost three friends through this, two were friends and the other was both lover and friend. I am not sad about it, I am practical in my realization that they needed to end for me to grow. They had already begun to hinder me and would only further obstruct my growth. Much as beautiful weeds do to healthy plants that have a purpose. You must uproot the bad growth and trim things back so other things may grow. I am on the cusp of a growth spurt and these next few months are the most crucial. It is here and now that I will lay the groundwork, the foundation upon which my future will be built. I cannot afford to surround myself with those who will not support me nor will they help build me up at this juncture. 

Syncopation

In a room full of musicians 

Folk rhythms softly caress the soul

Coaxing things from the deep recesses 

Things we long to hide

Things we are afraid to admit 

To others 

To ourselves

Arousing the mind 

Assuaging old and new pain alike

Songs of love 

Loss

Betrayal

New places

People

Thoughts

Frustrations 

Anger 

Sorrow

Understanding 

Forgiveness 

Rebirth

Tomorrow, today, yesterday 

The tap tap tap of a foot 

The pat pat pat pat of a hand

Falling in love with a guitar and a voice 

Dulcet tones drifting through an open window 

Out into a hot summer night 

Voices on the breeze raised in song 

Some better than others

But still artists all

Together sharing our crafts

Six musicians and one writer

Drawing inspiration from each other 

Deep country 

Deep South 

Warm red wine and a tepid breeze

Passing three guitars around the circle 

Voices that astound and arouse

The simplicity of artists

The complexity of the art 

 

Transformation

I feel like a fledgling...

Out of the nest but without the tools to fly very well. 

"She's sick of dreams that never take flight" 

When?

WHEN!?

I want nothing more than to just spread my wings and fly, but I can't.

I don't know how yet. 

For the first time, my life's dream is finally within reach.

My fingertips brush up against it.

Longing to take it in my hands and grasp it. 

To hold it high overhead and shout, "I did it! Look at what I've made of myself! Look at all I've accomplished! I have arrived."

When will my wings be ready?

How long must I wait?

Must I molt my warm feathers I had as a chick...

Must I transform into someone new...

I want it so badly, I would do almost anything to have it. 

In my life, I have never wanted anything more. 

Not love.

Not family. 

Not friends.

Just this. This one thing. 

Three simple letters...

PhD

I am Queen

I am madness, sanity.
I am hell, paradise.
I am more than the candy coated shell.
The long golden locks and big green eyes.
I am a stack of books.
Coffee stains.
Drops of Malbec.
Tolkien.
Hemingway.
Fitzgerald.
Campbell.
Heaney.
Shakespeare.
Rowling.
Hamilton.
Varied and cultured.
Whimsical, Satirical.
I am not a woman you walk away from.
I am Queen, I will destroy them.

Girls. Our Constant Struggle

I couldn't have said it better myself.

Freedom

The year started just like any other.
No special event marked it.
But a feeling crept upon me.
I was back to being myself.
One day I woke up and I was complete.
I no longer thought about my heartbreak.
I no longer replayed each excruciating moment in my mind.
I was content to be myself and go live my life for myself.
I felt free to tenaciously go after my dreams, forsaking the things I thought I needed.
Throwing myself into a world of literature and learning.
Waking up every morning, loving every aspect of my life.
This moment is one that I have long awaited.
Free to be me.
Back to me.
Back to basics.