Cloud 9

So this is what it's like.
A feeling so inexplicable it is almost futile to try, but try I will.

A thousand butterflies in your stomach.
A warmth through your body.
A goofy smile on your face.
So happy you cant hide it.
It oozes out of you and leaks out onto others.
Your own happiness spreads to others.
It fills you up and you swear you could do anything.
You feel like Superman.
Your feet never touch the ground.
You smile until your face hurts.
Content. Safe. Valued. Precious.

Its hearts drawn in your notes.
Daydreams that consume you.
Dreams that have somehow become reality.
Walking, talking, smiling, laughing dreams that hold you and kiss you.
Carefree and happy.
Your heart speeds up just thinking about them.
The world melts away when you are together.
They are as familiar as the back of your hand.
The smile that is just for you.
Its the reason.

Something Missing at the Crossroads

I feel like I'm standing at a crossroads
to go left or to go right.
I can have one without the other
but I would be eternally unhappy.
Will I be able to walk the path between?
Is there a path between?

I feel myself drifting toward
what my mind knows is smart and right.
My heart grows sad
it feels like the path it desires is slipping slowly away.

One day, these two paths will become one.
I do not see that day coming soon.
I must learn to enjoy my own company
more than I already do.
Too long have I depended on others for my happiness.
I am happy on my own now,
but I can't seem to shake the feeling
that something is missing.

Do or Do Not, There is No Try

I've often prayed for love.
Since I was 18 the thought of falling in love was something I wanted with all my being.
I grew older and began to want a successful career.
So I prayed for help and the ability to succeed in the opportunities that presented themselves.
I prayed and gave up my love life to God. I put it in his hands. I trusted and leaped off the cliff.
Its not something I worry about anymore, there is still a light desire but its like a roaring fire that has been reduced down to a single hot coal.
Sometimes I wake up and look at myself in the morning and I don't recognize myself.
I know who I used to be, but who am I becoming? Who am I now?
I am in such a state of change right now that sometimes its hard to even get out of bed and face the world in the morning.
But I know that I must because something is going to happen that will help me become who I am in the process of becoming.
Its frustrating but I believe He is preparing me for something. Something big.
I don't know what it is and the path before me scares me.
But I walk on with my head held high and my shoulders squared.
Determined to face it all.
I resist the urge to fall apart and crumble.
I feel like everything is slipping out of my fingers and I don't know what else to do.
Almost in desperation I pray for anything and everything I can think of.
Maybe this is what He wants. Maybe He wants me to be desperate for him.
If that is the case, its working.