Girls. Our Constant Struggle

I couldn't have said it better myself.

Freedom

The year started just like any other.
No special event marked it.
But a feeling crept upon me.
I was back to being myself.
One day I woke up and I was complete.
I no longer thought about my heartbreak.
I no longer replayed each excruciating moment in my mind.
I was content to be myself and go live my life for myself.
I felt free to tenaciously go after my dreams, forsaking the things I thought I needed.
Throwing myself into a world of literature and learning.
Waking up every morning, loving every aspect of my life.
This moment is one that I have long awaited.
Free to be me.
Back to me.
Back to basics.

End of the day

As I gathered my things and turned off the lights,
I looked back at my office and felt a sense of calm.
A realization that I was building a life for myself.
This may not have been the path I originally set out to be on,
But it was the one laid before me.
I love my life and where it is headed.

Little did I know that a month or so later I would be violently thrust from that path only to find myself on a drastically different and more fulfilling one.

Beauty

"To ask women to become unnaturally thin is to ask them to relinquish their sexuality."
-Naomi Wolf

I am proud to be a woman.
I am proud to be 5' 2 3/4''
140lbs
a size 6 or 8, a medium/large
I love cheeseburgers and french fries, Mexican food, Italian food, pizza, chili cheese fries, mayonnaise, butter, and that's just the tip of the food iceberg
I am a woman and I love myself.
I love every inch of my body, including my muffin top.
I am strong.
My so called "thunder thighs" are a testament to this.
As are my callused feet.
I hate running but love to lift weights.
I do not have the size 2 body of a girl
I have the strong supple body of a woman.
I own my sexuality and what it means to be the woman I am.

Reflection in the waters of life

Sitting here watching my preschoolers nap, I think back on how far I've come in four short weeks. 

I love my life and where it's headed. I'm finally over my ex. School is about to start . And I love my job. I am so happy with my life me where it's going. 

Most importantly though, I am so happy with myself, how far I've come and my outlook on life in light of all this. I feel that in my trying to start over, I have found myself again. I have reconnected with parts of myself that we're buried. I glow with my love and exuberance for life. I have missed that part of myself. I've missed feeling all these wonderful things. 

It just takes time

I feel like I felt when I first moved to Austin.
Lonely.
Cooped up in my head waiting to talk to someone.
It's just me. Well, me and Max, my cat.
It's easier to stay busy now but I'm still lonely.
I miss home. I miss my family.
Max is good company :) he makes me feel not so lonely.
It's going to take some time for me to be ok with my own company again, but I know one day I'll get there.
It's just going to take time.

The end.

I stand here and watch the blue smoke curling in the air
I am filled with immense sadness but I am not broken
I am in a place between
I cannot be happy but I no longer want to be sad
Given time this too shall pass
Given time I will be ok